my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
