recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
