I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
