forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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