i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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