Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
