so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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