am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
