last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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