Can i not drive my cunt home
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
