So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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