dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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