I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
