I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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