my being single is dangerous.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
