I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
