and she was petting her beer can
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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