CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
