I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
