Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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