do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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