I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
