I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
