It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
