It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
