I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All I want is dick and wine.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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