Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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