I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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