did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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