No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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