i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
