i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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