you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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