That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
