just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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