I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
