so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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