tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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