One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
