I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
