shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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