Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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