Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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