Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
