I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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