Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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