and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
