she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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