I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize