And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
