Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Randomize
