you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
