I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
