I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
