Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'