plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"