You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
