Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You smell like stripper and shame
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
