You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?