Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone? http://tfl.nu/oqh6
  Replies (33) Good night (878) Bad night (13159)
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape http://tfl.nu/d3c4
  Replies (8) Good night (3650) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Good morning to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c
  Replies (12) Good night (4935) Bad night (2198)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple." http://tfl.nu/0gie
  Replies (4) Good night (5259) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son http://tfl.nu/qxal
  Replies (7) Good night (945) Bad night (2802)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that? http://tfl.nu/dqln
  Replies (6) Good night (3755) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time http://tfl.nu/7lhp
  Replies (7) Good night (763) Bad night (2059)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you? http://tfl.nu/bdmu
  Replies (7) Good night (1424) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt http://tfl.nu/2dpk
  Replies (8) Good night (2821) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch http://tfl.nu/wvpl
  Replies (7) Good night (2424) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover http://tfl.nu/4860
  Replies (6) Good night (263) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement. http://tfl.nu/pi1i
  Replies (2) Good night (1003) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating... http://tfl.nu/qllj
  Replies (12) Good night (539) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family" http://tfl.nu/mzlk
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night? http://tfl.nu/irts
  Replies (0) Good night (590) Bad night (257)

Randomize