Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.