Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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