checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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