had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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