The maid of honor just puked.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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