Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
