You're so nebulous sometimes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
