I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
